HOW TO BE MORE MINDFUL ABOUT MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS
Let me know if it looks familiar to you
you realize you haven’t seen a friend in a while, so you put the group text aside. Some say they fight for it; some say they can’t. You send text messages back and forth, hoping to “hang out” soon until the world dies out. (Well, I may have exaggerated a bit there!)
It takes effort to maintain a friendship. Since we are always connected via text or social media, we know (to an extent) what our friends are doing. We often deceive ourselves into thinking that this is enough to keep a friendship going. But just like their photos and reposting a meme now and then won’t cut it down unless you have some real conversations along the way too.
Many big things happened in your 20s, and these big things affect friendships – think work commitments, changes in relationships, and new responsibilities. Here are a few ways to maintain friendship through these big changes.
Things at work are hectic, you have about 100 things to do, and you haven’t slept for a week. Therefore, if a friend calls and wants to meet him, tell her you are busy.
This is understandable now but stops saying that. If your friend takes some time out of his super busy work schedule (trust me, she’s swamped too!) To plan something for you, then you need to make sure you’re doing well with yourself. Let her know which day is right for you, suggest a spot near your office, or invite her for a quiet evening. If you don’t see a reduction in workload in the coming weeks, tell her honestly. Once you have more time, you can plan and go ahead.
However, asking her every time to do all the work basically means that your life is hectic, and your girlfriend has nothing to do. And if everyone is always down to earth, no one likes to hear this news.
When someone is happy
But what if you are on the other side of the equation? It’s hard to make a plan, and it’s terrible to be someone who always lends a hand and works hard to make it work, especially if the friend continues to struggle afterward.
If this has happened multiple times and you are really upset, pause, and try to determine if your boyfriend is okay. If they are trying to solve difficult or overwhelming things, that could be the reason for this reaction.
However, if this is not the case, then it is time for an open discussion. Tell them that you’ve noticed that they have a lot to do lately, but that you would like to spend time together. Once they have more time, they will be asked to plan something to pass the ball to their court. You can also take action ahead of time to let them know (instead of blaming them!) That you’ve always felt that your friendship is no longer a top priority. A good friend will receive the message and try to make it work.
When you go through different stages of life
If you’re excited about a new series on Netflix and your girlfriend is excited about her kids eating solid foods, you feel like you’re living in a completely different world. But this doesn’t mean you and your friends don’t have anything in common anymore.
Seriously try to be a part of your friend’s new life. Don’t just ask her children. Take the initiative to stroll around in baby clothes and take her for a walk in the park. If your friend wants to save money to buy a house, plan to spend less time together. Likewise, if something is important to you, tell your friends and see if they are willing to participate.
After all, you might not be friends because you lived in the same dorm or worked for the same company for a while. You become friends because you are connected with this person: their uncomplicated attitude, sense of humor, and kindness. And you don’t have to experience the same things to appreciate those things related to it.
If you have a disagreement
Do you remember one of the “friends” that Chandler and Monica fought with? Chandler thought their relationship was over? It’s funny because it’s so ridiculous, right? Moreover, we do this with many friends.
After a failed fight with a friend, many of us are reluctant to take the first step or tend to avoid any subsequent “drama.” Therefore, instead of discussing it as adults, we walked for a few days without talking until the rift was more dramatic than any conversation! If you want the friendship to continue, start a conversation, speak it out calmly, and apologize for contributing to this fight. I’m not saying this is a guaranteed way to overcome everything, but it is definitely more effective than not trying.